What Makes A Marriage Legitimate In God’s Eyes?

If you would like to know What makes a marriage legitimate in God’s eyes, this post will help. I received a message asking about ceremonies, marriage licenses, and agreements before God. I’m going to talk about all those subjects today. I’ll also cover things like if sleeping with someone equals marriage, and some others.

Biblical Commands on Marriage

The best place to start is to mention, there are no commands in the Bible to have a marriage ceremony or get a license. There’s no “thou shalt have a ceremony” or “thou shalt not have a ceremony.” I know for some, that is all they think they need, but that leaves so much of what the Bible says on the table.

There are times in the Bible where there is no direct command or instruction, but there is clear instruction, examples, and expectations to do something.

For example, the Bible doesn’t say, “don’t do drugs.” But there are many verses about being sober, not being out of control, etc. Those verses will take you to the same conclusion, without the direct command.

A good Bible reader thinks about as much of the Bible as possible, and then makes a wise decision based on this. And this is what I help you do at In Thy Word.

Examples of Marriage in the Bible

Jesus in John 2 for example, attended a wedding with his disciples. God’s people all throughout the Bible get called God’s bride (some passages are Ephesians 5, Isaiah 54, and Ezekiel 16).

Revelation 19 discusses the marriage of the Lamb. I want to read a few of the verses before I make my point because it drives home the point I want you to see.

Listen to what Revelation 19:6-9 says:

And I heard as it were the voice of a great multitude, and as the voice of many waters, and as the voice of mighty thunderings, saying, Alleluia: for the Lord God omnipotent reigneth. Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.

And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints. And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed [are] they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God.

Revelation has much symbolism, I know, but there’s a set time for the marriage supper. The bride and groom are present. Others are there to witness it. The bride dresses in white to symbolize purity. God is orchestrating. A better way to say it is, God is in agreement with what is happening.

All the key elements of marriage we see today are present here. But I’ll bring this back up in a moment.

Ceremonies and Licenses

Although not commanded, the wedding, celebration, and ceremony get taken for granted. It’s as if there is no reason to say do this, because it’s so evident this is what happens.

We must not close the case based on this, but at least it gives us something to think about.

Throughout the Biblical period, God’s people had ceremonies, they had official announcements (Judges 14:10-12, John 2:1-2 etc). These were times of celebration, reminding you of the first marriage in the Bible, Adam and Eve.

And this is the first passage I want to spend some real time in.

Adam & Eve (The First Marriage)

In Genesis 2, we see the first marriage in the Bible. As we read this, let’s think about whether there is a ceremony, marriage license, witnesses, etc. Starting at Genesis 2:18, it says:

And the LORD God said, [It is] not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

The important thing to note here is that marriage got created by God, not man. He started this. It wasn’t Adam’s idea or Eve’s. I’m going to jump down a few verses to focus on the specific marriage verses. So listen to what verse 22 says:

And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

God brought the woman to the man to announce the beginning of the marriage. Notice how the Father “walked His daughter down the aisle” so to speak. This has God’s stamp of approval. This looks like a marriage license. But I wouldn’t go that far. I’ll talk about licenses a little later though.

The next verse says:

And Adam said, This [is] now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

This is like Adam’s vows. But notice, Adam, Eve, and God are present here. So there are witnesses. Then God says in 2:24:

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

After this coming together, call it a ceremony or gathering with witnesses and vows, Eve is now called a wife. They’re married. It’s official.

Could you imagine someone reading the Bible with things like this included but say… Because it’s never commanded, I don’t have to do it?

The Structure of Biblical Marriage

From a passage like Genesis 2, it’s clear for a marriage to be legitimate, it needs to get based on the Bible. That means between one man and one woman. This is why marriages between non-Christians are acceptable to God.

They are following the structure found in Genesis. But the moment we substitute male and female for male and male, female and female, or animals, we have a problem.

These are the kind of behaviours spoken against in the Bible like clockwork. They are illegitimate.

You could, in theory, have an agreement with God and get married. In the simplest interpretation of Genesis 2, that’s what it was. There were no other authorities, there were no other laws, etc.

But I want to cover why taking an agreement with God and making it official with a license is right. I don’t believe you should delay it or act as if you’re married before signing any papers. Or before any official public announcements.

Obeying the Laws of the Land

God expects us to obey the laws of the land, unless they go against His laws. This is what Romans 13:1-4 says:

Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.

So we are to obey powers that are over us. This includes, but is not limited to parents, governments, police officers, etc.

Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.

By going against these powers, we are going against what God wants.

For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same:

They are there to help us. And it encourages us to do good.

For he is the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is the minister of God, a revenger to [execute] wrath upon him that doeth evil.

Most countries make signing official documents in marriage mandatory. If you don’t sign the papers, you’re not married.

They don’t demand you spend loads of money on an elaborate ceremony. They make it simple, so as many people as possible can do it. You could get married with less than $100 in most places in the West. Even less in some places.

But let’s say you didn’t have the money. There are many ways to get help with this: local churches, family, taking extra work, to name a few.

But obeying the laws of the land, as long as they don’t contradict God’s Word, is vital. This is one way the government tracks marriages. This makes sure people get protected in their societies.

The Dangers of Bypassing Legal Requirements

I remember watching a documentary about Muslim marriage in the UK. Men who take more wives but have no legal ceremony. A Muslim man gets married to one woman on the record. But then has up to three more wives “off the record”.

The government wants to fight against these examples of gaming the system. By not following the laws, this is disobedience to God. Also, this is damaging to the society you live in if the laws forbid it.

Now, some will have you believe that you don’t need a ceremony or a license; you only need to sleep with someone. This is not Biblical.

Some misuse 1 Corinthians 6:19. This is not talking about sleeping with someone equals marriage. You do join with someone in that act in some way, but it’s clear, not in a Godly way. And not in a way that equals marriage. Here are three reasons why.

Misconceptions About Marriage and Sexual Relations

If sleeping together equals marriage, fornication wouldn’t exist. It would just mean you’re married now. But fornication is always sin in the Bible and judged that way.

Second, God doesn’t view this as a marriage when you look at the 5 books of Moses. You can read about this in Exodus 22 and Deuteronomy 22. I will cover both because each passage provides valuable insights.

Deuteronomy 22:28-29 says:

If a man find a damsel [that is] a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel’s father fifty [shekels] of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.

If sleeping with her means marriage in God’s eyes, the man would not need a command to take her as his wife. She would already now be his wife. This gets clearer when you look at the parallel passage in Exodus 22.

Exodus 22:16-17 says:

And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, and lie with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife. If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins.

Once you sleep with someone under the law of Moses, you now have to go through this procedure. But verse 17 shows you this is not a marriage yet.

The father could say no, this isn’t the right fit, etc., and they would not get married. This wouldn’t lead to a divorce. This would mean there is no marriage going ahead.

This is why sleeping together does not make a marriage. It does not bypass a ceremony, license, or anything along those lines.

Extreme Cases and Clarifications

Even consider an extreme case like King David’s daughter Tamar in 2 Samuel 13, who gets raped by her half-brother Amnon. She says sending her away after raping her is even more wicked than the act itself.

She didn’t say, “I’m now your wife because we had sex.” And that’s because sleeping together does not equal marriage, even when you want it to.

Even when you look at Mary and Joseph in Matthew 1, she gets called his wife before they have slept together. But that was because they’re betrothed. That was after agreements get made. Both at this point could not be in a relationship with anyone else. If they did, they could get killed. This is why Joseph wanted to put her away in secret.

What Makes A Marriage Legitimate In God’s Eyes?

This is what makes a marriage legitimate in God’s eyes. If you have any other questions you want me to help you with, let me know. God bless and see you next time.

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